Falling In Love
by BeccaBo73
Summary: This is a very AU Jax centered fic based upon a brand new character I made up...Lindsay Donovan. Lindsay, Lucky's widowed older sister and a doctor at GH, and Jax become involved with each other's lives as the surrogacy story unfolds...
1. Chapter 1

**Author**: BeccaBo73

**Setting**: present day Port Charles

**Characters**: Jax, Lindsay (see below), Sophie (see below), Lucky, Liz, Nikolas, Courtney, Jason,

Luke, others to come later

**Background**:

_This fic is a Jax centered fic and is completely AU. I have created a new character...Lindsay Spencer Baldwin Donovan. She is partly created from the late Karen Wexler character. Here is Lindsay's background:_

_Lindsay is the first born daughter of Luke and Laura Spencer. Lindsay's life began in a "Who's Your Daddy" drama with Laura/Luke/Scotty. It is 1981 when Luke and Laura first heated up. Before they are married, Laura finds herself pregnant and she doesn't know if the baby belongs to Luke or Scotty. A beautiful daughter, Lindsay Lou Spencer, is born. When Laura was missing and Luke was presumed dead in the avalanche a few years later, Lindsay goes to live with her aunt Bobbie until Luke and Laura return. _

_Lindsay is overjoyed when baby brother Lucky is born, and Luke and Laura go on the run from the mob with Lindsay and Lucky and hide out in Canada. But kingpin Frank Smith tracked them down in 1992 at the clan's hideout, The Triple L Diner, and drove them out of hiding and back to Port Charles, with teenage daughter and Lindsay and teenage son Lucky in tow._

_Once back in Port Charles, Lindsay meets Jason Quartermaine and is instantly smitten with him. Lindsay, with Jason at her side, begins PCU as a medical student. But in late 1993, Lindsay and Lucky Spencer are shot by an enemy of Frank Smith's. Luke and Laura spend New Year's Eve at General Hospital praying for their children's recovery. Lindsay needed a blood transfusion and everyone found out that Luke was not a match for his daughter. Laura revealed that Luke Spencer, the man she grew up believing was her father, was not her father...Scotty Baldwin was! But Scotty was in Canada recovering from Dominique's death with his daughter Serena. An emergency medical team is dispatched to get blood from Scotty and Lindsay is saved. But Lindsay's relationship with Scotty is put on hold because he remains in Canada._

_In the midst of Jason and Lindsay's bliss, they get engaged and begin planning a future together. But a single event changed the course of Jason and Lindsay''s lives - and in fact, Jason himself - forever. Intent on stopping A.J. from driving drunk, Jason got into a car with his brother. The accident that followed left Jason with permanent brain damage and no memory whatsoever of his family or of Lindsay._

_Jason couldn't stand the way people looked at him after the accident, always hoping to see some glint of recognition in his eyes. He pushed both his relatives and Lindsay away, went to work for mobster Sonny Corinthos and changed his name to Jason Morgan. His birthday, he would declare, wasn't the day he was born but the day of the accident._

_After Jason's accident, Lindsay is devastated by his rejection of her and the love he found with Robin. She unknowingly ends up down a dark path stripping at the Paradise Lounge and develops a dependency on pills. Lindsay begins leading a secret life...diligent medical student by day and a life of drinking, drug abuse, and stripping at night._

_When her drug addiction got worse by the pressure of having her mother on trial for Damian Smith's murder, she overdosed, and slowly word got around to Lindsay's loved ones about her behavior. Friends and family rallied to get her help. _

_When Luke and Laura "faked" Laura's death the people of Port Charles, including Lindsay, mourned Laura's death. She remained at medical school and struggled with her addictions, almost plunging back into drugs over her grief. Lindsay meets Detective Simon Donovan when he tries to save her from her "life". Simon and Lindsay first met when Lindsay collapsed in tears on the docks, feeling desperately alone without her mom and the pressures of medical school mounting. Simon caught Lindsay about to inject herself and tore the needle out of her hand. Falling for her at first sight, Simon vowed to help her kick her renewed addiction. Soon Simon teamed up with Luke to take down Stefan Cassadine and began to reunite Lindsay with her parents._

_Simon and Lindsay fell in love and went on many adventures together. When Lindsay is kidnapped by the Cassadines, Simon teams up with Jason to save her. Jason and Lindsay renew their friendship and the rescue strengthens Simon and Lindsay's relationship._

_Finally, in 2000, Simon and Lindsay are married. In the fall of 2001, Lindsay gave birth to Sophie Katherine Donovan. Simon and Lindsay were such proud parents and showered their baby girl with love and affection. But Lindsay and Sophie's world came crashing down again a year later when Simon was shot and killed in a mob war with the Cassadine's. Lindsay left town with Sophie and set up shop in New York City for the next three years. _

_At Lucky's insistence, Lindsay and Sophie returned to Port Charles in the summer of 2005 and took a job as a doctor at General Hospital. She became embroiled in the surrogacy storyline and that is where our story begins..._

_Whew! Enjoy!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Part I **

_(This part is based directly on the dialog from 9/14's episode of GH.)_

"I don't want to take you to court, Liz. But I will, if we can't come to an agreement. That is my baby." Lindsay heard Jax's voice coming from around the corner and thought about turning around. The last thing she needed right now was to get in the middle of another argument between Jax and Liz over the baby. Agreeing to this surrogacy may have been the biggest mistake any of them had ever made. But when she heard the tone in her brother's voice, she decided to stick around. _This is what I get for craving a cheeseburger_, she thought to herself as she rounded the corner and saw the scene unfolding in front of Kelly's.

"So, you've told us Jax. At least a hundred times." Lucky was just about to boil over. Whatever had happened before Lindsay arrived had to have been pretty intense.

"Just stop pretending that you want this baby, Jax. All you want is to dangle it in front of Courtney like a trophy." Nikolaus interjected, stepping up between Courtney and Jax.

"You need to stay out of this, Nik. Especially with that kind of nonsense." Lindsay joined the emotional conversation, gathering for herself a glare from her step-brother and his new girlfriend. Lindsay couldn't even believe they had the gall to be seen there together.

Throwing a look of thanks in Lindsay's direction, Jax continued, "Exactly. You can have Courtney, but stay the hell away from my child.." Turning his attention to Liz and Lucky, he said, "I came to you in good faith offering to share custody."

"I understand that."

"Well, then don't let Nikolaus talk you into cutting me out of my child's life. Nickolaus doesn't care about what's good for you or the baby. He proved that when he broke up my marriage. Don't let him push you into a fight you don't want."

"All right, that's enough." Lucky stepped in, the indignation brimming from deep within him. Lindsay recognized that look and knew it wasn't good for Jax.

"We have an agreement, Lucky."

"That's right. We do have an agreement." Elizabeth stepped in, also sensing what was about to come next from Lucky. "I agreed to give you and Courtney this baby. You changed the terms, not me."

"And I gave you a number of reasonable options." Jax came back with. "I suggest you agree with one of them. Because understand this Elizabeth, this will be an ugly battle. If I'm forced to do this, I will bury you and Lucky and anyone else who gets in my way."

"Is that a threat?" Lucky looked as if he were going to pounce.

"It's a fact." Jax spat back. Sliding his gaze toward where Nikolaus and Courtney were standing, he said, "Now unfortunately my circumstances with Courtney have changed and you don't think that I should be a single parent, but that's not for you to decide, Elizabeth. I am not going to lose this child."

"Do you even care about the happiness of this baby?" Liz wanted to know next. "This is a child's life we are talking about here."

"I understand that and it's all I care about! This is MY child's life." Frustrated with the turn this conversation had taken, Jax raked his fingers through his hair. This is not what he wanted any of this to come to.

"This is just another competition to you, isn't it?" Lucky said between clenched teeth. "Well guess what, Jax, you are definitely not getting this one."

"Lucky." Lindsay put her hand on her brother's arm and tried to pul him back away from Jax before he threw the first punch.

"I'm sorry you both feel that way." Lindsay couldn't be sure, but she thought she detected a bit of defeat in Jax's voice. "But like I said before, that's not your decision to make."

"I have to get to work." Liz flatly stated, glaring at all of them. Lucky moved forward and kissed her forehead, but you could tell by the look on her face that this wasn't over for them.

Jax's cellphone rang at that moment and he moved away from the group to answer it.

Lindsay, sensing the need to move Lucky away from the situation, herded her brother through the front door of Kelly's saying, "Treat me to a burger, Luck."

Lucky was in the mood for more of an argument and began to protest, "Lindsay, I..."

"Now. Come on, I've been saving lives all day and am famished." Over her shoulder, she gave Nikolaus a look that told him that he and Courtney weren't invited to join them for dinner. Nik knew exactly how Lindsay felt about his relationship with Courtney, and he also knew Lindsay well enough to know that he wasn't going to change her mind about it tonight. Taking his cue, he and Courtney headed off toward the docks.

"That guy is such a jerk." Lucky said, settling into a chair at one of Kelly's tables.

"Which guy...or girl...are you talking about?" Lindsay asked, sitting across from him.

"All of them."

"And you were a real prize out there yourself, right?" Lindsay grinned as Lucky scowled at her. Giving her brother a few moments to simmer down, Lindsay ordered a couple of burgers from Mike and waited until Lucky was ready to talk to her. Out the front window of the restaurant, she saw Jax peer in to where they were sitting. Lindsay shook her head in a warning to him not to pursue this any further. He gave her a slight smile and headed off.

"I'm not hungry." was what Lucky finally said to her.

At least he was calmer. Smirking at him, Lindsay replied, "Well I just thought you should put something into your mouth besides your foot." He glared at her for a minute, but then a slow smile came to his face. "Now," she said, "would you like to tell me what that was all about and how Nikolaus got involved?"

"Nikolaus offered us the money to fight Jax in court. Lawyers, resources, whatever we need."

"Well, it's about time." Lindsay sneered, not bothering to hide her contempt. She was not so happy with Nikolaus' behavior in all of this nonsense and wasn't shy about telling him so. "It's the least he can do. Are you going to accept?"

Lucky shrugged. "Liz hopes it won't come to that."

"Liz is a smart girl. You should listen to her more."

"Are you really going to sit here and bust my balls, Lind? I thought you were on my side in this whole..."

Lindsay interrupted him, shaking her head. "I'm not taking sides, Lucky. You know that. This whole situation sucks. For something that started off as a beautiful thing, it's really disintegrated into a mess. God, I just want to knock Nikolaus and Courtney's heads together for being so stupid."

"Not taking sides, huh?" Lucky raised an eyebrow at her.

"Not between you and Liz and Jax. Nikolaus, though, I want to throttle. And Courtney?" Lindsay rolled her eyes, prompting a grin from Lucky. "Don't even get me started. I didn't know her very well before this and now I don't want to."

"Well you might just have to. It doesn't look like she's going anywhere any time soon." The tone of his voice told Lindsay that Lucky didn't like it any more than she did.

After Mike brought them their burgers, Lindsay popped a french fry into her mouth and said, "What I don't understand is, why are you directing all of your anger at Jax? He's only trying to do what is best for his child."

"Are you really buying that load of crap?"

"Yes." Lindsay answered simply, taking a bite of her burger.

"You and Liz both." Lucky muttered, smothering ketchup all over the top of his cheeseburger.

"Liz is a very smart girl. You should listen to..." Lindsay began before Lucky cut her off.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm just a big lug with a badge and a gun."

"I happen to have a soft spot for big lugs with a badge and a gun." Lindsay grinned at him, evoking memories of her late husband, Detective Simon Donovan. "But, you didn't answer my question."

Lucky pushed his dinner aside and looked his sister squarely in the eye. "This baby is a trophy for him. It always has been. Even before Courtney slept with Nikolaus. He just wants to win."

Lindsay shook her head. "I don't believe that." she said, wiping the corner of her mouth with a napkin. "Jax loves this baby, Lucky. This whole surrogacy situation was his idea. It IS his baby, after all. He's only doing what he thinks is in the baby's best interest...just like you and Elizabeth are."

"He's treating it like a business deal..."

"It is a business deal. You and Liz signed a contract."

"With him and Courtney!" Lucky lowered his voice when he realized that he was yelling at her.

"But Jax didn't break that contract, Lucky." She hated to see this pain and confusion in her brother's eyes. This was not how he had expected things to work out. "Courtney did. When she slept with Nikolaus!" She lowered her voice, not wanting Mike to overhear them. "Jax went into that contract in good faith, too. Just like you and Liz. He didn't think his marriage was going to fall apart like this. I mean, OK, he went a little overboard being protective about Liz and the baby. But if I have to hear one more time about how neglected Courtney was feeling...God!" Lindsay shook her head in disgust. "She bailed on their marriage, not Jax. He didn't deserve this, Lucky, and you know it."

"Deserved it or not, now he's using his money and power to threaten us." Lindsay could hear from the tone of his voice that he was not thoroughly believing his own words.

"Because he thinks you are trying to take his child away from him!" Lucky looked down at the table and didn't have an answer for her. "He's throwing his money and power around. That's how he deals with things. You go around punching people. Is that any better?" Lindsay reached across the table and took his hand in hers, wishing she could fix this for him."What's really going on? Why won't you even consider joint custody?"

Lucky ran his thumb across Lindsay's skin and finally looked up at her. "I don't want to give Jax anything. I want to get him out of our lives before he tries to take Liz away from me."

Lindsay pulled her hand away, resisting the urge to smack him in the head. "Are you nuts? Lucky! Liz adores you. She has her entire life. She came up with this whole surrogacy idea to pay your medical bills! She doesn't want Jax."

"I know. I know." He shook his head again, "This whole thing is so screwed up."

That was an understatement. "I know and I'm sorry."

They sat in silence for a little while, just listening to the sounds of Kelly's dinner crowd all around them. Finally, Lucky looked up and grinned, "You know what Liz told me? That Jax couldn't possibly want her along with the baby because he's too busy wanting you."

"Me?" Lindsay almost choked on her burger.

"You two have gotten pretty close lately." He raised an eyebrow at her again, this time in a teasing manner.

"I'm Liz's doctor. And his baby's doctor." She dismissed his comments and hoped that it was the end of this part of the conversation. But Lucky wasn't done.

"Come on, Linds! You jumped right to his defense today."

"I did not!"

Lucky just continued looking at her, grinning.

"I was trying to be the voice of sanity in an out of control situation!"

Changing the subject, but not entirely, Lucky suddenly asked, "Have you dated at all since Simon's death?"

Lindsay sighed. "I went out a few times in back in New York. But I haven't really had time since I came back to Port Charles. It was all I could do to get everything settled...Sophie in her new pre-school, getting us a place to live, and getting back into a routine at the hospital."

"Liz says that you and Jax would make a good couple." Lucky shook his head. "I don't see it."

"I should hope not." Lindsay came back at him and they both laughed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part II**

Lindsay sighed, closed her eyes, and leaned back against the paneled walls of the elevator. What a day it had been. After working a full shift at the hospital and dealing with the Lucky, Liz and Jax situation, Lindsay was looking forward to a quiet evening at home playing with Sophie and then relaxing in a hot bubble bath. The emotional drama that surrounded this whole custody battle was getting to be much more complex than anyone had anticipated.

"Here we are, Ms. Donovan. Eleventh floor." Lindsay's eyes flew open and she looked past the elevator attendant into the hallway where her apartment was located. With a tired smile, she thanked Max and stepped out of the elevator. "Have a good evening, ma'am."

"Thanks, Max. I plan to." She replied before the doors shut between them. Searching her purse for her keys, Lindsay didn't see Jax coming towards her until she literally ran right into him.

Looking up startled, Lindsay could not hide her surprise at seeing him standing there outside her door. "Jax, hey. What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you, if that is alright." He looked as tired as she felt, and even though she didn't want to deal anymore with the surrogacy situation, she imagined his day had been lousier than hers. She couldn't bring herself to send him away.

"Sure, come on in." Locating the keys at the bottom of her purse, Lindsay let the two of them into her apartment.

"Mommy!" A beautiful, blond whirlwind came running toward them as Sophie threw herself into her mother's arms. _This is what life is all about_, Lindsay thought, burying her face in the fresh scented softness of Sophie's curls.

"Hey, ladybug! How's my girl?"

Jax stood back silently and watched the scene unfold between mother and daughter. Despite the turmoil of the day, a slow smile came to his face as he watched Lindsay and her daughter chatter away about Sophie's day at pre-school and her playdate with her cousin Cameron. They were lost in their own little world for a few moments and then Lindsay suddenly seemed to remember that Jax was there. When she turned and smiled at him, her little girl in her arms, Jax could feel his breath catch in his throat. It was perhaps the most beautiful sight he had seen in a long time.

"Sophie, do you remember Mr. Jacks? He's a friend of mommy's." Lindsay asked Sophie, finally putting her down and shrugging off her suit jacket. She offered to take Jax's jacket, and then hung them in the entryway closet.

"Hi, Jax." chirped the adorable little blond, grinning up at him with her big, blue eyes sparkling.

"Hi, Sophie. How are you?" Jax replied, longing to pick her up in his arms.

"You talk funny." Sophie's complete honesty caused Jax to laugh out loud. Lindsay, on the other hand, seemed to be mortified.

"Sophie!" Lindsay cried, but seeing Jax's laughter caused her to begin laughing too. "That must be her grandfather coming out of her."

"Which one?" Jax joked, relieved to finally be in an atmosphere that wasn't brimming with tension and anger.

"Both, I guess. Neither Luke or Scotty have ever known when to keep their mouths shut." Lindsay laughed at Jax's playful teasing about her "fathers" and thought for a minute. "I'm passing on great genes, aren't I?"

"They seemed to have served you well, so far. I'm sure they will do the same for her." Jax's unexpected compliment brought forth the reaction he had desired...another sweet smile from Lindsay.

Gloria, Sophie's nanny, appeared from the back of the apartment and fixed a disapproving look upon the little girl. "I was running a bath for her and when I turned around, she was gone. You scared me to death, little one."

Turning to her daughter, who was now seeking shelter behind one of Jax's legs, Lindsay said, "Anything to get out of taking a bath." She shook her head, and continued, "OK, kiddo, off you go. Mommy has to talk to Mr. Jacks and you need to get ready for bed. I'll come see you in a few minutes." Lindsay kissed the top of Sophie's head and sent her off with Gloria.

"Good night, Sophie." Jax called after her, as Sophie and Gloria headed down the hall.

Sophie stopped, turned around, and flashed him a smile that matched her mother's. "G'night, Jax!"

Jax and Lindsay both watched Sophie skip down the hall to catch up with Gloria before disappearing around the corner into the bathroom. "She's a great, kid."

Beaming with pride, Lindsay replied, "Thank you. She is pretty terrific, if I do say so myself. Simon and I did alright on that one." Gesturing for Jax to sit down next to her, Lindsay folded her legs beneath her and sunk into the softness of the sofa cushions. "So, Jax, what can I do for you?"

Jax settled in next to her, leaned back against the sofa and said quietly, "I just wanted to thank you for what you did today."

"What did I do?" she asked.

"Well, you seemed to be the only person in that group who would even admit that I have a side in all of this. A group of people that included both of your brothers and a close friend of yours. And Courtney." The last two words practically dripped out of his mouth, his contempt for his wife written all over his face.

"I have the luxury of being a little more objective in this situation. My baby is safely in the other room getting a bath and I know exactly what her custody situation is." Jax nodded and she continued. "And Nikolaus really had no business being involved in this thing at all."

"Do you blame him? For what's happened?" Jax wanted to know.

"I don't know. I know that he and Emily have been through hell. Nothing has ever seemed to come easily for those two. But when she was raped, it really just sent things over the edge. But I never, not in a million years, thought he would give up on her. He just..." Lindsay let her voice trail off, not wanting to air out her family's dirty laundry in front of him. Gathering her thoughts, she continued, "He and Courtney both should have shown a little more self control."

"So you blame her?"

"Don't you?" Lindsay shot back. Seeing the pain come into Jax's eyes, Lindsay wish she could take the words back. In all of this mess, it seemed that Jax's pain had taken a back seat to Nikolaus and Courtney's selfishness and the baby drama. "I'm sorry," she said, laying a hand on his leg. "I had no right to say that. She's your wife..."

"Not for long." Jaz recovered well, not ever letting Lindsay see what was really going on inside his head. "I served her with divorce papers today."

"Well this has been just a fabulous day for you, then." Lindsay remarked, prompting a wry smile to come to Jax's face. "I'm sorry." was all she could say.

"Don't be. She didn't sign them."

"Why?" Lindsay didn't understand that one. Courtney had been the one to leave their marriage to be with Nikolaus. Did she want more money?

"Who knows? I have no idea why she does any of the things she does any more." He looked away quietly and Lindsay gave him the moment he needed to compose himself. "Anyway," he continued, "I just wanted to thank you for being on my side."

"Like I told Lucky earlier, I'm not taking sides. I don't see a bad guy in this situation. Except of course for Nikolaus and Courtney, but I'll deal with that on my own." Lindsay still thought the blame for most of this lay with Nik and Courtney, but that wasn't the time for that discussion. "All I see is three people who want what is best for this unborn baby and have very different ideas of what the best thing is."

"Well, that is very level headed of you." Jax remarked with a smile. "I just sort of figured that I would be the bad guy in your mind, because Lucky is your brother and I know how close the two of you are."

"I love Lucky more than life itself. We've been through the wars together and I know I can always depend on him. But," she said, "that doesn't mean I have to agree with everything he says or does. This whole surrogacy thing has twisted everything around for everyone." Lindsay smiled at him. "Don't worry about my brother. I know him. He's a smart guy and he'll come around before this whole thing gets even uglier than it already is."

"I hope you are right." Jax seemed to be assured, but not entirely.

"I am. But that being said," Lindsay continued, meeting Jax's stare head on, "Lucky is my family. So are Nikolaus and Elizabeth. They are where I go when the world starts caving in around me." Her voice got quiet and wistful as she talks about those she loves most. "With them, I feel safe and loved. Especially Lucky. And I will never take sides against them." Her voice suddenly strengthened and her tone turned serious, " If you try to destroy my brother, you and I will become enemies. And as loyal I am an ally, I can be a nightmare as an enemy."

"I believe you." Jax said, seeing the look of pure defiance that came over her. She was, after all, Luke and Laura Spencer's child and just as strong willed as they were.

"Good." Lindsay grinned at him again. "Well, now that we have that out of the way, would you care to have a tea party with the most adorable little hostess in the world? I believe the tea is brewed with water flown in from fairy land."

Jax returned her smile. "I can't think of a better way to end my day." he said, as they headed back to Sophie's bedroom for their evening tea party.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part III**

(_Based on the events of 9/23's episode of GH_)

"If Elizabeth loses this baby, I'll find out who caused that accident and I'll make him pay."

"Jax, calm down. She's fine. So's the baby." Lindsayreminded him ofthe clipboard he was looking at for the twentieth time and pointed out Liz's test results. "The baby's vitals are strong and show no sign of trauma. Are you satisfied now?" She asked Jax, her eyes twinkling at him as she tried to hide her laughter.

"Are you sure Liz is going to be OK?"

"Jax! We just went over all the tests I ran on her with more detail than I went over with Liz herself. Trust me Jax, I graduated top of my med school class."

Jax shook his head with laughter and said, "I don't doubt you or your medical expertise, Lindsay. But, I'm the worried expectant father. Who happened to be driving the car." He looked down at the floor, then back up at Lindsay with a tired smile, "Thank you for going over all the tests with me."

"No problem." She and Jax began walking down the hall to the nurse's station. "Lucky is going to take her home and take good care of her. He always does."

"She's lucky to have him." Jax joked, playing on her brother's unusual name.

Lindsay grinned and playfully nudged Jax's shoulder with her own. "Hey, I heard that the two of you buried the proverbial hatchet tonight? Apologies and everything?"

"Yeah." Jax smiled sheepishly. "We both admitted that we were being a little territorial and decided to stop being difficult. It was quite civil, actually. Your brother is quite a guy."

"Yes, he is. I told you that he would come around."

"So you're an I told you so kind of woman, are you?"

"Absolutely." She replied. Lindsay was beginning to find the teasing lilt to his voice and his accent increasingly sexy. She shook those thoughts out of her head and tried to stay focused on their conversation. As they reached the nurse's station, Lindsay put Liz's medical chart away and shrugged off her lab coat. Jax moved to help her and slid the coat easily down her arms.

"Quitting time?" he asked her.

"Finally. I was actually on my way out when they brought Elizabeth in." she said with a smile and began walking toward the lounge to store her coat in her locker.

Jax fell back into step beside her and asked, "So, can I make up for all my annoying questions about the tests by treating you to a late dinner?"

Lindsay suddenly realized that she hadn't eaten in hours and was famished. "That sounds perfect. Let me just call Gloria and make sure she can stay with Sophie for a little while longer."

The ride they shared from the hospital to the restaurant was filled with light and easy conversation. They had more in common than Lindsay would have thought and it was good to see Jax laughing again. He had been an entirely different person since he and Liz signed the custody agreement, and it seemed that a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. As they walked into the restaurant, Jax lightly put his hand on her back and led her to a corner table.

"Wine?" he asked her when a young waitress appeared at the side of their table almost as soon as they sat down.

Lindsay shook her head and said, "None for me, thank you. Just ice water with lemon, please."

"Make that two." he said and smiled at the waitress, causing her to blush. Jax and Lindsay both continued with their orders and then the young girl walked away from the table. When she was gone, Jax looked over at Lindsay and asked, "Not a wine drinker?"

"Not an anything drinker. I'm a recovering alcoholic." she replied, reaching for a roll out of the basket in the middle of the table. The shocked look on his face caused her to giggle. "You didn't know?" When he shook his head, she continued, "Well then this is going to knock you out of your chair. I'm also a recovering drug addict and ex-stripper."

"You're kidding!" He stopped buttering his own roll and stared at her.

"I wish I were." She smiled reassuringly at him. "I can't believe you didn't know. It's probably the worst kept secret in Port Charles."

"What happened? I mean, if you don't want to talk about it, I understand..."

"No, it's OK. I've been clean and sober for years now." She took a sip of the water the waitress put down in front of her, smiled her thanks, and continued, "I was engaged to Jason Morgan in what seems like another lifetime. Only he was Jason Quartermaine then. We were high school sweethearts, the whole deal. But after his accident, Jason couldn't remember me. Or us. My whole world revolved around him and he couldn't remember any of it. He pushed me away and I didn't handle things well. I was devastated. So, I drank to numb the pain, which led to dancing in this seedy club, which then led to drugs. Not my finest moments."

When she finally looked up at Jax, she didn't see the pity she had expected to see there. Instead, she saw only compassion. "I'm sorry, Lindsay. What happened?"

"I got better." She said simply. "My family rallied round me, gathered me up in their arms, and didn't let go until I kicked it." She smiled at him again and said, "But it wasn't all bad, if you can believe that. In the midst of everything, I met Simon."

"Did he arrest you?" Jax's question was a bit amusing to Lindsay, but he was completely serious.

"No. He saved me. More than once."

The wistful look in Lindsay's eye as she spoke about her late husband tugged at Jax's heart strings. "Did he ever get to meet his daughter?" He asked quietly.

"Mm-hm. He was in the delivery room. Actually, he didn't die until Sophie was about a year old."

"Does she remember him at all?"

"I don't think she has any memories of him that are actually her own. She was so young. But she knows who he was and has a picture of him by her bed. She calls him her 'daddy angel' and kisses him good-night every night. I tell her stories about him and how much he loved her all the time."

The waitress returned with their meals and Lindsay couldn't help but notice the sideways look the young woman gave to Jax. She smiled to herself. Jax certainly captured the attention of most of the women in any room he walked into. But right now, all of his attention was focused on _her _and she couldn't control the tingle that shot up her spine. It has been a long time since a man looked at her like Jax was looking at her now.

"That's amazing." Jax continued, completely unaware of what Lindsay was thinking. "I mean, I'm sure it has been hard on you but I think you are doing a fantastic job on your own. I think it makes all the difference in a kid's life to know their father put them first. My father certainly did. Would you like to see a picture?"

"Of course," Lindsay said, as Jax pulled a picture of himself and his father out of his wallet. "Aww, look how cute you were!" She teased and Lindsay thought she caught him blushing at her compliment..

"That was before we had money. We weren't always rich, you know." He informed her.

"I didn't know that." she said.

"I come from pretty meager beginnings. We lived in the car."

Lindsay nearly choked on her dinner. "I can't imagine you, Jasper Jacks, living in a car!"

He grinned, "I did. We camped out in the car and during the day, we'd go hiking through the woods. My father taught me to appreciate nature and believe in myself. And he always loved me, no matter what."

"That's what dad's do." Lindsay whispered, suddenly beginning to miss Luke and Scotty.

Jax seemed to be thinking the same thing about his own father and replied, "The good ones anyway." He cleared his throat and smiled sheepishly at her. "That's how I want to love my child. No strings attached."

"I'm sure you will." Without knowing why, she reached across the table and covered his hand with her own. "You're going to be a wonderful father, Jax."

To the surprise of them both, Jax turned his hand upwards and entwined his fingers with hers. They sat there for a few minutes, holding hands, and thinking about how lucky they had been tonight that Liz didn't lose the baby. Finally Jax said, "I'm not going to be half the father John was to me, but I'll try."

"That's all anyone can ask you to do." She said softly.

Jax squeezed her hand before reluctantly letting go so they could finish their meals. They ate in comfortable silence for a little while before the silence was shattered by a ringing cell phone. Both Jax and Lindsay checked their phones before Lindsay realized it was hers.

"Lucky?" she said with a smile into the phone, but her smile soon faded as she listened to what her brother had to say. "OK, calm down. Get down to the hospital right away and I'll meet you there." She paused again and looked up at Jax, the concern growing in his face. "It's OK, Jax is here with me. Just get Liz to the hospital." Lindsay hung up her phone and stood up. "It's Liz. Something is wrong with the baby."

"Let's go."


	5. Chapter 5

**Part Four**

Lindsay walked slowly out of Elizabeth's room and tried to compose herself. Why was it that just when things seemed to be going so right they always ended up so wrong? She had barely been able to maintain her professional demeanor while telling Lucky and Jax about Liz's miscarriage. The pain had been written all over her face as she broke the news.

"I thought you said the baby was fine."

Lindsay was startled by Jax's low voice. She saw him slumped against the wall in the hallway outside Liz's room. His face was unreadable, but she had seen the devastationin his eyeswhen he learned about the miscarriage.

"Jax..." she began, but he cut her off.

"You stood there and told me that things were OK." he repeated. "You showed me the test results. What went wrong?"

"Babies are fragile little beings, Jax. There are any number of things that could have gone wrong." Lindsay shrugged helplessly. "I don't have the answers that you are looking for."

"You're her doctor, Lindsay! Where am I supposed to get the damn answers then?" Jax demanded.

Lindsay lowered her voice, knowing that Jax was in ten different kinds of pain right now. "Sometimes there are no answers. Even medical ones. This one was out of our hands."

Jax brushed her off with a wave of his hand.

"Lucky and Liz were asking for you, if you want to go back in there." she said helplessly, gesturing to the hospital room behind them.

"Why would she want to see the man who killed her child?" Jax asked bitterly.

"You didn't..." Lindsay began to protest, but again Jax cut her off.

"I was driving the car. I caused the accident!" he shouted.

"Jax, there is no way to determine whether the accident caused Liz to miscarry. You can't blame yourself." Lindsay tried to be reassuring, but she knew it was pointless. Jax would take the guilt that he carried to the grave.

Lindsay looked up at him and it was only then thatshe noticed the tears in his eyes. She reached up and wiped away the one tear that had escaped his eyelids and was traveling down his cheek. He reached up to cover her hand with his and their eyes met in a moment of complete tenderness. She wished at that moment that she had the power to take his pain away. She was a doctor...that's what she did. Take people's pain away.

But nothing in all of her medical training had prepared her for this.


	6. Chapter 6

**Part Five **

Lindsay hadn't been to this part of town in a long time. She glanced nervously over her shoulder and pushed open the door of the seedy, little bar. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness of the bar and almost gagged on the stench of stale beer and cigarettes that permeated the air. She couldn't believe she used to spend hours at a time in this place.

"Lindsay Spencer! You are a sight for sore eyes." The burly bartender called out from behind the bar. He flashed a grin at her and his gold tooth flashed in the neon lights. "Rum and coke is your poison of choice, right? I've got a mind like a steel trap, little lady."

"Not anymore." She couldn't remember the old bartender's name and she really didn't want to stick around long enough to find out. "You said that my friend was here."

"Back table." He said, gesturing toward a dark corner of the bar. "When he first came in, we were talking and he said he knew you and Lucky. But then he started downing them real quick and I just figured I should call you."

"Thanks." Lindsay looked at the table where Jax sat all alone, nursing his beer.

"He kept muttering something about a baby." The bartender called after her as Lindsay walked over to Jax's table.

"Is this a private party or can anyone join in?"

Jax looked up from his mug and saw Lindsay standing next to his table. He smirked and kicked out the chair across from him so she could sit down. She did and he shoved his beer in her direction, then pulled it back again. "Oh yeah, I forgot that you don't drown your sorrows anymore."

"Sure I do. Only now I drown them in chocolate ice cream." She answered, trying to lighten the mood. "I didn't figure you for a beer man, Jax."

Jax snorted in reply. They were quiet for a few minutes before Jax said, "I'm not good company tonight. And this is not your type of place. You should leave."

Lindsay glanced around the bar and said, "Actually, I used to spend quite a bit of time here. And I know all about not being good company. That's why I'm here."

"Are you trying to save me?" Jax remarked dryly.

"No, I'm trying to be your friend." she said quietly.

"Everyone needs a friend." Jax said more to himself than to her.

"Yes, they do. I don't know where I'd be without mine..."

"Hey baby, can I buy you a drink?" A bearded and tattooed biker called out to Lindsay from across the bar. "Lou, do you make them fancy pink drinks like them girls drink on that TV show?"

"I'm fine, thanks." Lindsay called back. Then to Jax, she said quickly, "Let's get out of here."

"Where's your car?" Jax asked when they were outside the bar, looking around.

"Lucky dropped me off. We're taking your car. Hand over the keys." Lindsay put out her hand and then had to stifle a laugh as Jax almost fell over trying to get the keys out of his pocket. He grinned and gave her the keys.

Once they were settled into the car and Lindsay was navigating her way through the downtown streets, Jax said, "I would have defended your honor back there at the bar by beating up that biker dude, but I was afraid that if I stood up I would have fallen over." Lindsay laughed and he said,

"I forgot how quickly beer goes through your system."

Lindsay pulled into the parking garage of Jax's building and he invited her to come up. Lindsay protested at first, but eventually joined him on the elevator up to his loft. "I want to commend you for not crashing my car for the second time this week." Jax said as the elevator opened up onto his floor and he led her to his door.

"Well, no one jumped out in front of me like a maniac...so I had that working in my favor." she teased him.

"Yeah." Jax said, opening the lock and letting them inside. "You really don't blame me for the accident?"

"No. And neither does Liz. Or Lucky. You seem to be the only one who blames you. So stop it already."

"Can I get you anything?" Jax asked her, ignoring the comment about the accident. Lindsay shook her head and they sat together on the couch in his living room. They were quiet for a few moments, then Jax said, "Liz and I buried our daughter today. We planted a tree in the park."

"Did it help?" Lindsay asked quietly.

"A little." He turned to look at her. "It's more difficult than I thought it would be. I started to feel like a parent. I keep telling myself that if I can keep looking forward and stay focused on the future, things will get better."

"That's assuming you can get through this next hour." Lindsay finished for him.

He looked at her strangely for a minute. Then gave her a sad smile. "Exactly. But I guess it's all a question of letting go." Jax shook his head and then looked back up at her. "Youtold me once that Lucky and Nickolas and Liz are where you go when the world falls in around you. I envy that. I realized today that I don't have it. Or anything close to it. Not here in Port Charles anyway.I have everything in the world except what I really needed today. Nobody knows how I'm feeling. I have never felt more alone in my life."

Lindsay took his hand in hers and squeezed it. "Don'tget lostinside yourself, Jax."she whispered. "You aren't alone."

"Who do I have?" he asked, the tears forming in his eyes.

"Me." she told him and pulled him close to her. And for the first time since his baby's death, Jax began to sob.


End file.
